50 Worst Movies with Reviews (25-21)

25. Stay Alive (2006)

Memorable only as Frankie Muniz’s final film appearance before he took his career to professional race-car driving, Stay Alive is a complete waste of time.

It’s a weak PG-13 slasher movie about a killer video game. So it’s like The Ring…except dumber.

These video game nerds get a hold of this video game that hasn’t been released yet and they eventually discover—after that guy from Saving Private Ryan gets stabbed to death (he must really like getting stabbed; he’s done it in 2 out of the 3 movies I’ve seen him in. At least I don’t think he got stabbed in Dazed and Confused) that if you die in the game, you die in real life.

Nearly every spoken line in this movie had me laughing hysterically, though my personal favorite would have to be: “My brother just got carried away in a horse-drawn carriage!” which I’m pretty sure was supposed to be serious, but it’s so difficult to tell.

In a ridiculously predictable movie with a Gothic backstory that makes no sense and very little violence or gore, the highlight of this film is easily Frankie Muniz, who plays a dude who wears a weird translucent green hat and hangs out with people who look ten years older than him.

24. Pokemon the First Movie: Mewtwo vs. Mew (1999)

The main problem in this movie is certainly its message that violence is wrong, despite being easily the most violent cartoon I’ve ever seen. The franchise itself has made all of its millions on having Pokemon fight each other.

This movie is obnoxious in its humor and voice-acting and a rehashed James Bond plot of world domination. It’s an hour and a half of stupid cock-fighting and slavery of creatures that ultimately ends with tears saving the lives of characters we do not care at all about. I was a Pokemon fan when I saw this movie and not right after I did.

Wanna know how bad this movie is? Look at the website RottenTomatoes and read the plot description. It’s clearly the description for the wrong film but nobody has cared to take note. As far as I know, I’m the first person to notice.

23. The Pacifier (2005)

The epitome of a movie that I would not have watched if it wasn’t being shown on the plane when I had nothing to do, The Pacifier is just a lame excuse for Vin Diesel to make a family comedy. He plays a tough guy again, but this time a tough Navy SEAL turned babysitter. It’s Suburban Commando for a new generation.

The ridiculous plot is that he has to watch out for this widow and her kids as people try to steal some documents. The gags are lame to say the least. The memorable moment comes when Vin Diesel goes into a sewer and is quite literally covered in shit. As if we haven’t seen that before.

22. The Last Airbender (2010)

Here we go: M. Night Shyamalan’s racist insult to anyone with intelligence. I couldn’t tell you what the plot is, just that the movie spends about two hours shoving exposition up your ass.

The acting and dialogue are extremely laughable. Because I understand absolutely nothing from this movie, virtually every event that takes place seems completely random. I can’t see how anyone could be emotionally involved by any of this, and it’s impossible to feel any excitement from the random assortment of colorful special effects and stuff that happens to be happening. And the worst thing about this is that it’ll probably have sequels.

21. Laserblast (1978)

One of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, Laserblast makes no sense whatsoever. The title screams low-budget sci-fi and so does the entire film, starting with the opening shot.

There are some ridiculous stop-motion aliens who leave a weapon of incredible potency on earth. Some asshole finds it and picks it up and pretends he’s shooting it. The acting is awkward to say the least. And then he picks this one thing up and the gun actually works so he starts blowing things up. As he continues to use the gun, he becomes a monster, which naturally ruins his relationship with his girlfriend.

Personal favorite scene of the movie is easily when the aliens are talking. They speak like adults in Charlie Brown cartoons and with NO SUBTITLES. You don’t know what they’re saying in the least, and they go on for minutes!

50 Worst Movies with Reviews (30-26)

30. The Country Bears (2002)

It shouldn’t be a surprise that a movie called The Country Bears sucks. This is living proof that movies should not be made based off of amusement park rides.

It’s about a bear who’s living with a family of humans and he doesn’t realized that he was adopted or anything. His brother is a complete unabashed asshole and eventually he learns that he’s a bear so he runs off or whatever and meets up with a bunch of bears who play country music.

Easily one of the most bizarre films—though one with no artistic merit—I can’t really explain this one too well. If you like people in lousy bear costumes singing country music and strumming acoustic guitars, you may very well like this movie. Since I am one of the 99.99999999% of people that doesn’t, I found this absolutely atrocious.

29. Air Bud: World Pup (2001)

I believe this was the first straight-to-video Air Bud movie and basically the budget for this movie was what you’d normally spend buying a library card. The first film was a solid kid’s movie and the second definitely took a step back. This film isn’t a step back; it’s a complete trip down an entire flight of stairs, breaking nearly every bone in its pathetically-constructed body and leaving puddles of blood.

This is of course one of those movies that was made because dogs are adorable, and that’s really it. The plot is that this boy falls in love with this chick who moves into his neighborhood who also has a golden retriever. There’s puppies or something like that and Buddy joins the soccer team.

The sport scenes are lazy. Seriously, it’s like the cinematography was by Zapruder or something. And then there’s this hokey plot about the puppies being kidnapped or something.

Brandi Chastain is in this movie and she wears her shirt the entire time. Also, there is nothing to do with a World Cup, as hinted at in the punny title. It’s probably useless to complain about a kid’s movie like this but it just sucked so much. I need someone to understand my pain.

28. The Santa Clause 2 (2002)

Somehow not straight-to-DVD, I had the unfortunate opportunity to see this on opening day of November 1, 2002, which is first of all far too early for a Christmas film to come out, but secondly this is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

I don’t hold this film as “malicious”. I believe it kind of had a point in being made. Not a good one or anything, but you could tell the filmmakers tried. They got back like the entire cast from the first one—everyone from Charlie to Bernard—but this tried way too hard to outdo the first one.

Charlie’s basically a juvenile delinquent in high school now. It makes no sense. Why would the son of fucking SANTA CLAUS be an asshole?!

The plot follows Tim Allen (who would have been better off in prison) discovering a new thing in his clause that states that he needs to get married and have a Mrs. Claus. So for the rest of the movie there’s this awkward courtship going on that watching it I can’t help but feel like Alex from A Clockwork Orange, being tortured during the Ludovico technique. It’s so awkward, pointless, and ultimately painful to watch that I couldn’t help but put this movie in my list.

27. Beowulf (2007)

Oh boy, Beowulf. I saw this in theaters in like a special early premier or whatever with a bunch of people who read the book in high school (I had not yet, but I would a few years later) and the general consensus after the film was done was “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!!!”

The first problem with Beowulf is that it does not follow the original epic at all. I realize that the average person who sees this movie sees it because it’s got swords and dragons and stuff and they don’t even realize that Beowulf is one of the most influential works in western literature, but come on, at least bear some resemblance! Hey idiots, did you read it? Grendel doesn’t talk; he’s pure evil and has no character or depth to him whatsoever. And you fucks, the fact that Grendel’s mother is never physically described in the poem does NOT give you the right to make her some kind of erotic shape-shifter. And in no way on hell or earth is the dragon Beowulf’s son!

Those are the primary complaints about its infidelity to the original work, but I can go much further just to describe this as being awful as a movie alone. It’s one of those movies that’s CG but you almost can’t tell. The technology used in this movie is quite remarkable and I’d probably puke if I saw how much money went into this movie.

The film begins with a bunch of dudes drinking mead. The scene is interrupted by something I never thought I would have to see in my life and pray to God I never will again: a CG Anthony Hopkins’s robe constantly slipping down and revealing his ass. Why? What purpose did that serve in the movie? Anyways eventually Grendel comes and he looks kind of like the monkey from the first Pirates movie when he’s a skeleton. He kills people, tosses some tables around, and then the scene’s done. Then Beowulf arrives. Beowulf if voiced by a man who (primarily because of this movie, though not forgetting Indiana Jones 4) has become one of my least favorite actors in Hollywood: Ray Winstone. Just trust me when I say this is a huge step down from The Departed.

So Beowulf comes to the hall and he talks about how great he is and Unferth challenges him, saying something about how he sucks or whatever, and then eventually Grendel comes. Now what follows is one of the most disturbing person-on-monster fights I’ve ever seen. Why? Because Beowulf does it in the nude. In the poem Beowulf acknowledges that weapons are useless against the monster and that he wants to fight him without weapons or armor. The filmmakers must have read only the Old English version of the poem and interpreted this as Beowulf saying he would fight the monster naked. The scene is filled with awkward, out-of-place, Austin Powers humor, with the most random objects throughout the hall serving the purpose of hiding Beowulf’s junk. Now Beowulf of course wins by breaking off Grendel’s arm with the door and he screams for the first of 38 times: “I AM BEOWULF!!!!” I can’t help but thinking that’s just a desperate attempt of the filmmakers to remind you of what you’re technically watching, ‘cause it ain’t Beowulf, that’s for damn certain.

Okay, then we’ve got Beowulf going to Grendel’s mother’s cave and it turns out she’s a naked Angelina Jolie with a tail coming out of her hair. Instead of killing her, he has sex with her. The epitome of stupid right there.

So he’s back at the hall talking to King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) and Hopkins said something that made me whisper to my brother: “Was Grendel this dude’s son?” I was laughed at.

Oh but it turns out Grendel was Hrothgar’s son! Wrap that around your head. Hrothgar commits suicide by jumping off the castle or whatever and at this point there was nothing but laughter from people who had read the poem.

After a really stupid battle scene that only serves as exposition to tell you how long Beowulf has now been king, the dragon (the son of Beowulf) attacks. He fights the thing in a completely unexciting scene that has him hanging and trying to reach the dragon’s heart with his sword but he can’t, and then he cuts off part of his arm and now he’s able to reach it and rip it out. To be honest, my explanation makes more sense than what was actually in the movie.

So the dragon dies and the movie ends on one of the dumbest cliffhangers that I’ve ever seen, involving Wiglaf seeing a presumably-naked Angelina Jolie in the water.

26. The Jungle Book 2 (2003)

Let’s be honest: the original wasn’t going to be topped. It’s thrilling, funny, got great music, and some of the best voice-acting in the entire canon.

What does the 36-year-later sequel have to offer? John Goodman as Baloo. And lots of repeated songs. “The Bare Necessities” is sung three times in this film.

So Mowgli’s back with that Indian chick he saw at the end of the first movie and they’re doing stuff or whatever. They’re living in a village but eventually Mowgli and Baloo meet up and then the chick goes out to look for them.

Do you want to know the main plot of the movie? Shere Khan wants to get back at Mowgli. That’s honestly all there is to it.

The humor is lacking, the climactic scene is one of the most ridiculous scenes I’ve witnessed—something about them banging on giant cymbals to like scare the tiger or confuse him or something, and repetitive and obnoxious music. That’s what you get what if you want to see this movie.

But let’s not forget about Smash Mouth! They were featured in this movie even though they had been insignificant since 2001.

50 Worst Movies with Reviews (35-31)

35. Anaconda (1997)

Nothing good could possibly come out of the film Anaconda. It’s your generic Jaws rip-off with stereotypical characters who you want to see die and the worst accent ever in a Hollywood film, by Jon Voight. It also stars Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube. With that cast alone, you can’t expect a good movie.

There’s these people going around on a boat and they come across this giant 40-foot-long anaconda that kills people. Some of the most frustrating scenes come when you see the anaconda going through the water after killing someone and you can see the people it’s eaten in the indentations of its belly. Just really stupid.

There’s this one asshole who’s always golfing for some reason. He gets killed.

Jon Voight plays the role of Quint and eventually everyone hates him. So in the climactic scene he gets eaten and then regurgitated. And then he blinks. Why? I don’t know.

Another thing that bothers me about this movie is how unrealistic the snake acts. I know Jaws isn’t like a shark documentary or anything but it’s well documented that snakes eat things that are absolutely huge and then just don’t eat for months. They just lie around in the sun. But who needs realism? This is Anaconda.

34. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

I struggle to believe that the filmmakers were serious when they made this movie. One of those many killer shark movies, this one has the distinction of having genetically-mutated sharks. While being genetically mutated or whatever, the shark bites a dude who has to be sent flight for life in a huge storm. He’s hanging below the helicopter for some reason in the fucking storm. I know it’s tradition and all to have flight-for-life people hanging from below but come on, a gust of wind could blow this guy away!

Eventually he does get thrown into the giant window and it cracks in some of the worst special effects I’ve ever seen and the sharks are free.

There’s a plethora of memorable characters. There’s Samuel L. Jackson. There’s the cook who has a parrot. And then there’s Thomas Jane, playing a guy who apparently is a ninja in the water and enjoys riding with sharks.

The movie’s awful. Laughable characters, special effects, dialogue, et cetera.

33. Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000)

I believe this was probably the first stoner movie I ever saw and…well, it sucks. Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott make two of the least likable leads I’ve ever seen. I remember seeing the poster for this movie and I’m like “that’s the title?” I thought it was really funny actually that an entire movie was made off of that concept, but it turns out that it sucks.

This movie throws a bunch of really stupid stuff on the screen and hope you let your IQ at the door. There's a stoner dog. There's a trannie stripper. There's aliens for some reason. There are Breast-Enhancement Necklaces. It's really hard to not feel dumber after watching this movie.

32. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

This is truly where the rehashed Michael Myers story COMPLETELY loses steam. While being stupid, Halloween 4 is at least a little entertaining. Here, there's nothing.

The film desperately tries to make it seem that it isn't your basic serial killer movie by throwing in a horribly explained psychic connection that young Jamie has with Michael Myers. She can like read his thoughts or something, kind of like Harry Potter and Voldemort. But she's mute also, due to trauma. Trauma from what? From being pursued by Michael Myers or from killing her own stepmother? Oh never mind, this movie never mentions the latter incident.

This film might have the least interesting characters I've ever seen. All the teenagers have no personalities and are just incredibly annoying, so of course it's no surprise that they're all killed off. But most annoying of all, they all play tricks on each other and there are so many false-climaxes in which one of the teens is wearing a Michael Myers costume that you'll literally be pulling your hair.

Michael Myers chases Jamie in a car eventually, which just feels wrong, even if he was driving faster than 5 miles per hour. Then there's your typical confrontation in the house, Donald Pleasance arrives on the scene, and Michael Myers is thrown in prison, still wearing his mask. And then the worst cliffhanger ending ever happens, in which this one guy busts into the police station and helps Michael escape. The cliffhanger, other than being incredibly stupid, goes on to do two other horrible things: inspire the next Halloween movie, which arguably is the final nail in the coffin of Michael Myers (though I found it more entertaining than this movie personally), and it started Paul Rudd's career. I guess the latter is forgivable though.

31. Rocky V (1990)

The Rocky movies really started getting stupid with the third one. Rocky III was the first movie in the series to deviate from the realities of boxing. I like both Rocky III and Rocky IV, but I view them as action movies. Rocky III is ridiculously entertaining and Rocky IV is dumb, guilty pleasure patriotic fun. Rocky V is horrendous.

Rocky gets back from Russia and his son is now miraculously ten years older since when he left, played by Sylvester Stallone's real-life son, Sage. Rocky retires from boxing because of brain damage which he received from his last fight. And then Pauly blows all their money so they're all poor again. This film tries to be more like the first Rocky film in the sense that it's poor Rocky back in Philadelphia, but that's really all we get from it. 

Rocky never boxes in this movie. He trains a boxer, Tommy Gunn, who (with the help of one of the most annoying film characters ever, George Washington Duke) decides to leave him for more money. As expected, he wins the title, but then he's given all this crap because they say he wouldn't have been able to beat Rocky. So naturally, he wants to fight Rocky.

There's a stupid subplot about Rocky's son getting bullied at school. Pauly teaches him how to fight and he kicks the shit out of a guy at school. Great lesson, movie.

So eventually Rocky and Tommy fight, but outside a bar. Though Rocky wins, this fight proves absolutely nothing because it isn't boxing. It bears more resemblance to martial arts, actually. 

Some might say this gets more shit than it deserves, but I say it deserves everything it gets. The fact that Rocky street fights alone would put this movie in my list, I think.

Worst Song and Music Video Ever

I stumbled upon what can easily be called the worst creation in the history of humanity last night. I honestly laughed through the entire music video.

The song is Dance (A$$) Remix by Big Sean feat. Nicki Minaj and it is just awful. I had never heard of Big Sean before in my life, but I admit to being somewhat of a Nicki Minaj fan. She's become ridiculously popular basically just because she's a woman rapper, but she is capable of laying down some pretty sick verses (check out Roman's Revenge if you don't believe me). And in addition to that, she's kind of become the Lady Gaga of rap music; she dresses weird, she makes weird faces, she wears wigs, and she's just flat-out weird.

Now I could spend forever talking about how this song and video represents a new low in American society in objectifying and dehumanizing women and how according to Nicki Minaj them wanting to be objectified and dehumanized, but aside from that, it's still an awful song. I believe Abraham Lincoln said it best: "I like rap best when it actually has something significant to say, not just rapping about hoes and smoking pot. That having been said, on occasion I do enjoy me some good rapping about hoes."

I'll essentially review the music video because I think it and the song are pretty much a package deal. You can't appreciate one's awfulness without looking at the other.

It begins with the chorus, which is I shit you not, Big Sean saying the word "ass" over and over again. Eventually they distort his voice so that it's really deep and creepy and stuff but he's still saying the same word over and over again. Accompanying this, the music video puts the word "ass" up on the screen in a different language for each time he says it. And then he says "stop. Now make that motherfucker hammer time." And then it skips into the hook of MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This. That's right. This song does not even bother coming up with a mildly original hook. So for a while it's just Big Sean on a throne with a bunch of different women.

Then the verse starts with the words "wobblede wobblede wob wobble wobble". Artistic brilliance right there. Then he just raps about how he's rich and how he likes asses and how he's attractive for a while, sometimes wearing a plain red hat and sometimes with the hat saying "Redskins" on it. I don't get it. Then we go back to the painfully annoying chorus, and then it's hammer time again I guess, with Big Sean saying the "go stupid" over and over again. Does he know what irony means?

Then in comes Nicki, clad ridiculously in a revealing British flag outfit. But hey, at least her hair is a natural color for once. She introduces her verse with the same nonsensical lyrics as Big Sean did, then she raps about how her ass is so big and "all these bitches' pussies is throbbin'." She goes on with her rap, making ridiculous faces as usual, until she gets to this one note or whatever that is just eeeeeeeeee for like ten seconds and it's just unpleasant to the ears, I don't really know what else to say. And it's all the more unpleasant because it's not just her normal voice, but it's like an intentionally annoying voice. And then she continues with my favorite lyric of the song: "Kiss my ass, lick my anus/'cause it's finally famous". Eventually she starts bouncing up and down with her eyes wide going "woo woo woo" like she's insane. And then we get into the chorus, with not just the distorted voice of Big Sean but Nicki Minaj's exaggerated nasally rendition of "ass ass ass ass ass ass ass". It's just painful. And then it's hammer time again.

Then Big Sean lists all the different types of girls there are, and then it's back to the obnoxious chorus. The song ends with the echoing words "go stupid", indicating exactly what will happen to you whenever you listen to this song.

I am convinced that this is the worst song ever made. The combination of the chorus, the pathetic rap lyrics, the hook being not just a reference to another song but a complete copy, Nicki's unpleasantly-long note hold, and just the fact that it's incredibly superficial makes this song absolutely unbearable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn1VGytzXus&ob=av2e
Above is the link to the video if you dare but PLEASE GOD dislike this video. The fact that it's gotten a single "like" is a testament to what is wrong with today's society.

50 Worst Movies with Reviews (40-36)

40. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)

This is a movie that for some reason I kind of enjoyed as a kid. However, now that I have a sense of humor, I find this movie extremely offensive.

First off Rocky and Bullwinkle really has no relevance in contemporary society. It was a topical cartoon for the Cold War era and making it into a contemporary film with some kind of weird stupid plot about how they’ve been sucked out of cartoons or whatever is just ridiculous and never should have been done. Not only that, but Robert De Niro—my second favorite actor of all time and certainly one of the greatest ever—was baited into this movie in addition to George Costanza and Rene Russo. And well…I can’t remember if Randy Quaid was significant at this time or not but probably not.

So you’ve got a good cast but an awful movie. Now I don’t know if there’s a single contemporary brilliant actor who hasn’t made a bad movie (Tom Hanks made Larry Crowne, De Niro and Pacino made Righteous Kill, Hoffman and De Niro made Meet the Fockers, Denzel Washington has made more bad than good movies it would seem…) but I just don’t get it here. The humor in this movie is terrible—beyond just immature. And I couldn’t tell you who the target audience for this movie is. Is it babies? Well that would make a little sense I guess because it’s like kind of a cartoon even though it’s not. Is it adults? That would also make sense because those bastards grew up with this show.

The joke that always sticks out in my mind and goes as a good example of how stupid this movie’s humor is when the President and all his generals (General Admission, General Mills, etc; GET IT?!) are sitting around in the Oval Office and then someone says something about how “it’s almost as if there was a mole in this office.” And the President says “that’s just ridiculous”. But then they show a human-sized mole sitting there like taking notes or whatever. That kind of joke actually can work if done correctly by like the Zucker-Abrams team, but it’s just butchered in this movie.

And in addition to all this, Robert De Niro mispronounces the word “vegetable” at least 50 times.

39. The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962)

This movie is very bad but you get the impression that the makers didn’t have much to work with here so you can excuse some of its many flaws. To make a long story short, this dude gets in a car accident with his girlfriend and he takes her head over to his cabin or whatever and keeps it alive. He’s like a scientist or something and apparently there’s some kind of hideous creation that is locked in a closet that we don’t get to see until the end of the movie.

There are plenty of moments that will keep you laughing throughout this movie, particularly when he’s out looking for women to pick up. It’s so creepy how he does it that in real life—cell phones or not—the police would be fucking called in like 2 seconds.

Then the girlfriend’s head starts an uprising by convincing the ugly being to open the door or something and it’s truly hilarious when you finally do see him. There’s a fire and something happens and the movie’s done.

Extremely low budget and with a title that just screams cheesy ‘50s sci-fi (though it was made in the ‘60s), I’d highly recommend this to anyone who loves bad movies. There are certainly worse but there’s something indelibly charming about this one.

38. The Grudge (2004)

I’m not reviewing this as a remake of the Japanese horror film. I never saw that; I am reviewing this simply as its own shitty, offensive film.

The film stars Sarah Michelle-Gellar as an American student studying in Japan. She’s in a house that’s apparently haunted. The plot itself isn’t entirely awful, but the way it’s told is.

The film opens with Bull Pullman committing suicide. If this is supposed to make you scared, I believe it completely missed the mark. In fact, it’s one of the most effective comedic opening scenes I’ve ever watched, right up there with The Naked Gun and Annie Hall.

The Grudge is under the impression that the audience will find every single jumpy moment absolutely terrifying and that’s the film’s biggest problem. Sure, the plot makes little to no sense as it goes on, but I can’t help but thinking that this movie is about as scary as someone hiding behind a wall and jumping out and yelling “boo” at you every thirty seconds. It gets old and frustrating really fast.

Another scene I just don’t get is the one where the dude trying to sell the house just decides to take a bath while a family is looking at the house. What was he thinking? Is he so busy that he has no other time to take a bath.

37. Night of the Blood Beast (1958)

This is one of those monster movies that you can’t help but laugh at when you see the monster. It’s absolutely ridiculous and the fact that it’s talking makes it that much funnier. I don’t think any description I provide can possibly do it justice. There’s really not much to say about this movie. It’s your average really bad B-movie sci-fi/horror, really.

36. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

The idea of remaking a movie that has a timeless message in it and changing the message completely is just a terrible idea. However, casting Keeanu Reeves as an emotionless alien is a good idea. Even with Kathy Bates, Jennifer Connelly, and Michael Caine, this movie still sucks, and it’s that much worse because it is a remake of an absolute classic.

Klaatu is an alien who comes to earth to warn its people about something. He brings with him a CGI robot named Gort who can turn into microbot things that go around and consume stuff. Why is the robot CG? It’s supposed to look like a machine, right? Well then why not fucking make it a machine?! The cheesy costume from the original 1951 film in which you can see the material fold when the actor in the costume moves his legs looks far better than this piece of shit!

Anyways Will Smith’s son is also in this and he proves that he’s a horrible actor when he’s playing someone who isn’t Will Smith’s son. Halfway through the movie I could tell it was bad, but I didn’t think it would be awful. It starts out and like the alien is like captured or whatever and they contain it and stuff and no civilians really knew what was actually going on—those scenes were all good. The film took a turn for the worst when it first revealed Gort attacking the people that came at him with guns. The entire scene is just like in its own dimension and I couldn’t tell you what’s going on, just that nothing looks real.

Then Michael Caine’s in the movie for like 30 seconds for some reason and Connelly and Smith meet up with Klaatu who escaped somehow and go hang out with him or whatever. Then Gort turns into billions of little nanorobots and goes and destroys buildings. And then he comes back. And then we find that all of this was because humans are harming the environment. WHAT?!

The only thing that poses a threat to the environment here is this pollutant pile of shit. Gone is the intelligent anti-war commentary. Gone is the brilliant script. Gone is an actually likable kid. Gone is a robot that actually looks like he is in front of the camera. Gone is the haunting and iconic musical score. Gone is the religious symbolism. And in is this fucking disgrace to the word “film”.