Friday, May 4, 2012

Top 10 Laughably Awful Popular Songs

I've been criticizing top-40 music for a long time, and for one good reason: it sucks. Most of it. There are some good songs, I will admit, but considering the amount of radioplay some of these frauds get, our society should be offended. Expect lots of Nicki Minaj.

10. Beez in the Trap by Nicki Minaj feat. whoever the hell is desperate enough to do this stupid song with her
The song opens with the chorus, which is...confusing to say the least. What does it mean? 2 Chainz does a tolerable job with his verse, but then it's back to Nicki. And the one thing funnier than seeing her move around in a green wig (yes, a green wig) is her rapping in this song. There's a bridge with this weird electronic noise happening that makes it sound like your speakers are breaking. Why would anyone want to put that in a song? Nicki Minaj of course ends the song by naming as many cities as she knows, including "Ohio, Pittsburgh...Saint Louis." Yep. 

9. Best Love Song by T-Pain feat. Chris Brown
The first time I heard the chorus to this song, I almost got into a car accident I was laughing so hard. And that was before I knew the title to this song, which made me laugh once I saw it. Now I hate Chris Brown as much as I hate myself, but he does nothing wrong in this song; it's completely destroyed by T-Pain's stupid autotune antics. And I know that's his thing, but there's only so much a man can take.When he goes "yeah yeah yeah yeah" in that echoing goofily autotuned voice of his, I can't help but laugh.

8. Who Owns My Heart by Miley Cyrus
The line "who owns my heart/is it love or is it art" is itself enough to put the song in the list. That's the epitome of writing a word and desperately needing one to rhyme with it. So she went with art, coincidentally the exact opposite of what this song is.

7. Give Me Everything by Pitbull feat. Nayer and Ne-Yo
The song that teaches you Kodak rhymes with Kodak, and also the rare product placement in the song for Pitbull, when it's usually just in the video. Nonetheless, this song is horrendous, with Nayer whispering the bridge, likely because she can't sing. And then there's that goofy synthesizer beat during the Ne-Yo parts.

6. Stupid Hoe by Nicki Minaj
Nicki Minaj ruins what's actually a pretty sick beat by making an obnoxious "woo woo" noise in the background the entire song and putting together some of the worst lyrics ever written. It's 2012 (maybe '11 when this was made) and she makes a Brad &Angelina/Jennifer Aniston joke. Didn't that wear out in 2006? Add a year-old BP joke, an overly repetitive chorus, and one of those painfully long obnoxious Nicki Minaj note-holds and you have one of the worst songs ever made.

5. Hard in Da Paint by Waka Flocka Flame
That's right. The anthem of first floor Loschert '11-'12 is in this list. Primarily because it'san anthem out of stupidity. One can't even say Waka Flocka is producing rap in this song; he's simply making noise. It's so hilarious that it essentially becomes a great song, something I can't say about any of the others in this list.

4. How to Love by Lil Wayne
This song is in this list for one primary reason: LIL WAYNE'S VOICE. This is coming from a Bob Dylan fan that I can literally not listen to this song. It's so painful. His voice is bad enough when he's rapping, but when he sings it's like nails on a chalkboard. And on a minor note, he erases any and all emotional impact this song could have had by him mentioning that the woman in the song is a bartender or stripper...as if that's the only woman he could imagine. Now I'm not a feminist by any means, but this just goes to show you how stupid and unimaginitive Lil Wayne is.

3. Peacock by Katy Perry
Easily the low point of what I actually consider a solid album. This song is the dumbest, most in your face innuendo I've ever heard, and it's the ENTIRE SONG.

2. My Chick Bad by Ludacris feat. Nicki Minaj
Everything about this song is just horrendous. Actually Nicki's verse it the most tolerable part, so let that be an indication of how horrible this is. Ludacris is rapping about stuff and then stopping and saying one word that kind of connects with what he just rapped about, you know, like Lil Wayne does in all of his songs. Here it's painful. The Homer Simpson part is the highlight.

1. Dance (A$$ Remix) by Big Sean feat. Nicki Minaj
What can I say about this song that I haven't already said. It's guaranteed to make u stupider.

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