25. Stay Alive (2006)
Memorable only as Frankie Muniz’s final film appearance before he took his career to professional race-car driving, Stay Alive is a complete waste of time.
It’s a weak PG-13 slasher movie about a killer video game. So it’s like The Ring…except dumber.
These video game nerds get a hold of this video game that hasn’t been released yet and they eventually discover—after that guy from Saving Private Ryan gets stabbed to death (he must really like getting stabbed; he’s done it in 2 out of the 3 movies I’ve seen him in. At least I don’t think he got stabbed in Dazed and Confused) that if you die in the game, you die in real life.
Nearly every spoken line in this movie had me laughing hysterically, though my personal favorite would have to be: “My brother just got carried away in a horse-drawn carriage!” which I’m pretty sure was supposed to be serious, but it’s so difficult to tell.
In a ridiculously predictable movie with a Gothic backstory that makes no sense and very little violence or gore, the highlight of this film is easily Frankie Muniz, who plays a dude who wears a weird translucent green hat and hangs out with people who look ten years older than him.
24. Pokemon the First Movie: Mewtwo vs. Mew (1999)
The main problem in this movie is certainly its message that violence is wrong, despite being easily the most violent cartoon I’ve ever seen. The franchise itself has made all of its millions on having Pokemon fight each other.
This movie is obnoxious in its humor and voice-acting and a rehashed James Bond plot of world domination. It’s an hour and a half of stupid cock-fighting and slavery of creatures that ultimately ends with tears saving the lives of characters we do not care at all about. I was a Pokemon fan when I saw this movie and not right after I did.
Wanna know how bad this movie is? Look at the website RottenTomatoes and read the plot description. It’s clearly the description for the wrong film but nobody has cared to take note. As far as I know, I’m the first person to notice.
23. The Pacifier (2005)
The epitome of a movie that I would not have watched if it wasn’t being shown on the plane when I had nothing to do, The Pacifier is just a lame excuse for Vin Diesel to make a family comedy. He plays a tough guy again, but this time a tough Navy SEAL turned babysitter. It’s Suburban Commando for a new generation.
The ridiculous plot is that he has to watch out for this widow and her kids as people try to steal some documents. The gags are lame to say the least. The memorable moment comes when Vin Diesel goes into a sewer and is quite literally covered in shit. As if we haven’t seen that before.
22. The Last Airbender (2010)
Here we go: M. Night Shyamalan’s racist insult to anyone with intelligence. I couldn’t tell you what the plot is, just that the movie spends about two hours shoving exposition up your ass.
The acting and dialogue are extremely laughable. Because I understand absolutely nothing from this movie, virtually every event that takes place seems completely random. I can’t see how anyone could be emotionally involved by any of this, and it’s impossible to feel any excitement from the random assortment of colorful special effects and stuff that happens to be happening. And the worst thing about this is that it’ll probably have sequels.
21. Laserblast (1978)
One of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, Laserblast makes no sense whatsoever. The title screams low-budget sci-fi and so does the entire film, starting with the opening shot.
There are some ridiculous stop-motion aliens who leave a weapon of incredible potency on earth. Some asshole finds it and picks it up and pretends he’s shooting it. The acting is awkward to say the least. And then he picks this one thing up and the gun actually works so he starts blowing things up. As he continues to use the gun, he becomes a monster, which naturally ruins his relationship with his girlfriend.
Personal favorite scene of the movie is easily when the aliens are talking. They speak like adults in Charlie Brown cartoons and with NO SUBTITLES. You don’t know what they’re saying in the least, and they go on for minutes!
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