50 Worst Movies with Reviews (40-36)

40. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)

This is a movie that for some reason I kind of enjoyed as a kid. However, now that I have a sense of humor, I find this movie extremely offensive.

First off Rocky and Bullwinkle really has no relevance in contemporary society. It was a topical cartoon for the Cold War era and making it into a contemporary film with some kind of weird stupid plot about how they’ve been sucked out of cartoons or whatever is just ridiculous and never should have been done. Not only that, but Robert De Niro—my second favorite actor of all time and certainly one of the greatest ever—was baited into this movie in addition to George Costanza and Rene Russo. And well…I can’t remember if Randy Quaid was significant at this time or not but probably not.

So you’ve got a good cast but an awful movie. Now I don’t know if there’s a single contemporary brilliant actor who hasn’t made a bad movie (Tom Hanks made Larry Crowne, De Niro and Pacino made Righteous Kill, Hoffman and De Niro made Meet the Fockers, Denzel Washington has made more bad than good movies it would seem…) but I just don’t get it here. The humor in this movie is terrible—beyond just immature. And I couldn’t tell you who the target audience for this movie is. Is it babies? Well that would make a little sense I guess because it’s like kind of a cartoon even though it’s not. Is it adults? That would also make sense because those bastards grew up with this show.

The joke that always sticks out in my mind and goes as a good example of how stupid this movie’s humor is when the President and all his generals (General Admission, General Mills, etc; GET IT?!) are sitting around in the Oval Office and then someone says something about how “it’s almost as if there was a mole in this office.” And the President says “that’s just ridiculous”. But then they show a human-sized mole sitting there like taking notes or whatever. That kind of joke actually can work if done correctly by like the Zucker-Abrams team, but it’s just butchered in this movie.

And in addition to all this, Robert De Niro mispronounces the word “vegetable” at least 50 times.

39. The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962)

This movie is very bad but you get the impression that the makers didn’t have much to work with here so you can excuse some of its many flaws. To make a long story short, this dude gets in a car accident with his girlfriend and he takes her head over to his cabin or whatever and keeps it alive. He’s like a scientist or something and apparently there’s some kind of hideous creation that is locked in a closet that we don’t get to see until the end of the movie.

There are plenty of moments that will keep you laughing throughout this movie, particularly when he’s out looking for women to pick up. It’s so creepy how he does it that in real life—cell phones or not—the police would be fucking called in like 2 seconds.

Then the girlfriend’s head starts an uprising by convincing the ugly being to open the door or something and it’s truly hilarious when you finally do see him. There’s a fire and something happens and the movie’s done.

Extremely low budget and with a title that just screams cheesy ‘50s sci-fi (though it was made in the ‘60s), I’d highly recommend this to anyone who loves bad movies. There are certainly worse but there’s something indelibly charming about this one.

38. The Grudge (2004)

I’m not reviewing this as a remake of the Japanese horror film. I never saw that; I am reviewing this simply as its own shitty, offensive film.

The film stars Sarah Michelle-Gellar as an American student studying in Japan. She’s in a house that’s apparently haunted. The plot itself isn’t entirely awful, but the way it’s told is.

The film opens with Bull Pullman committing suicide. If this is supposed to make you scared, I believe it completely missed the mark. In fact, it’s one of the most effective comedic opening scenes I’ve ever watched, right up there with The Naked Gun and Annie Hall.

The Grudge is under the impression that the audience will find every single jumpy moment absolutely terrifying and that’s the film’s biggest problem. Sure, the plot makes little to no sense as it goes on, but I can’t help but thinking that this movie is about as scary as someone hiding behind a wall and jumping out and yelling “boo” at you every thirty seconds. It gets old and frustrating really fast.

Another scene I just don’t get is the one where the dude trying to sell the house just decides to take a bath while a family is looking at the house. What was he thinking? Is he so busy that he has no other time to take a bath.

37. Night of the Blood Beast (1958)

This is one of those monster movies that you can’t help but laugh at when you see the monster. It’s absolutely ridiculous and the fact that it’s talking makes it that much funnier. I don’t think any description I provide can possibly do it justice. There’s really not much to say about this movie. It’s your average really bad B-movie sci-fi/horror, really.

36. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

The idea of remaking a movie that has a timeless message in it and changing the message completely is just a terrible idea. However, casting Keeanu Reeves as an emotionless alien is a good idea. Even with Kathy Bates, Jennifer Connelly, and Michael Caine, this movie still sucks, and it’s that much worse because it is a remake of an absolute classic.

Klaatu is an alien who comes to earth to warn its people about something. He brings with him a CGI robot named Gort who can turn into microbot things that go around and consume stuff. Why is the robot CG? It’s supposed to look like a machine, right? Well then why not fucking make it a machine?! The cheesy costume from the original 1951 film in which you can see the material fold when the actor in the costume moves his legs looks far better than this piece of shit!

Anyways Will Smith’s son is also in this and he proves that he’s a horrible actor when he’s playing someone who isn’t Will Smith’s son. Halfway through the movie I could tell it was bad, but I didn’t think it would be awful. It starts out and like the alien is like captured or whatever and they contain it and stuff and no civilians really knew what was actually going on—those scenes were all good. The film took a turn for the worst when it first revealed Gort attacking the people that came at him with guns. The entire scene is just like in its own dimension and I couldn’t tell you what’s going on, just that nothing looks real.

Then Michael Caine’s in the movie for like 30 seconds for some reason and Connelly and Smith meet up with Klaatu who escaped somehow and go hang out with him or whatever. Then Gort turns into billions of little nanorobots and goes and destroys buildings. And then he comes back. And then we find that all of this was because humans are harming the environment. WHAT?!

The only thing that poses a threat to the environment here is this pollutant pile of shit. Gone is the intelligent anti-war commentary. Gone is the brilliant script. Gone is an actually likable kid. Gone is a robot that actually looks like he is in front of the camera. Gone is the haunting and iconic musical score. Gone is the religious symbolism. And in is this fucking disgrace to the word “film”.